Randomness at a New Level
by bookgirl39
Summary: Two crazy fangirls *cough* Eva and I *cough* kidnap Ian and Amy and use their crazy inventions on them, in hopes that they'll fall in love while also being embarrassed to death. IanxAmy, DanxNatalie T just in case. Co-authored with Evanescence456.
1. Intro

**Heeey! I know I'm WAAAAY behind on my other stories, therefore shouldn't be making a whole new one, but Evanescence456 helped me with this before retirement so I felt that I owed it to her to post this. She wrote this chapter (obviously since it's her POV) I simply edited it. **

**Disclaimer: **

**Me: Oooh, Ian!**

**Ian: Oh not again.**

**Me: Do the disclaimer and we won't have to go through this again.**

**Ian: But you're still posting this after we all begged you not to.**

**Me: Yes, but remember? I know things.**

**Ian: ****Fine. Bookgirl39 and Evanescence456 don't own us.**

**Me: And special thanks to hAppYpuPPy, who's "Embarrassing Videos" gave us the idea.**

**Eva's POV**

I waited in my office in the Madrigal headquarters. With my feet kicked up on the table, bowl of grapes being eaten, and a Nintendo DSI, this was the life for a ten-year-old. I was waiting for Bookgirl39 so Plan 39 could take evasive action.

"Jump, Mario!" I yelled aloud. I suddenly wished the door had been closed because people's head's swiveled around to look at me oddly. Blushing, I looked back down and decided to keep my mouth shut. I plopped another grape into my mouth and heard footsteps. Suddenly alert, I put my feet down and looked up.

Standing at the doorway was Bookgirl39. She had long, light brown hair, and brown eyes. She was wearing a dark orange top with silver lions on it, gray jean shorts, and green flip flops. Her silver charm bracelet and blue and silver cross necklace glistened in the bright light. She knocked on the door.

"Ah, Bookgirl39, come in. I've been expecting you," I greeted formally. Her face changed to a look of confusion.

"You can call me Nico. **(A/N NO Nico is NOT just a guy's name!)** Why are you acting so formal?" she asked suspiciously. I merrily shrugged.

"Well, there is no need for that," Nico replied.

I snorted. "Well, you don't need to act so formal, either."

"Fine, no one talks formally anymore. Agreed?" she asked.

"Okay," I agreed. She nodded.

"Anyways," she continued, "are you ready to take everyone to our special place?" I smirked a practical Kabra smirk. I may not be related by blood, but I'm still a Lucian/Madrigal double agent. You see, we we're going to kidnap Ian and Amy and, hopefully, get them to fall in love with each other. Well... at least get Amy to realize that Ian loves her.

"Ready," I replied confidently.

Nico nodded. "Okay, let's go!"

I turned off my DSI. Grabbing my purse, (which was filled with weapons, not girly things) I walked to the door. I turned off the lights and the room flooded into darkness. Closing the door, I took out the key and locked the door. When we started walking towards the door, Nico changed direction to the disguises studio.

"Where are we going?" I asked. Nico looked at me if it was obvious.

"Everyone knows Ian and Amy are already missing. They'll suspect someone did it, and we need to be in disguise," she explained.

I rolled my eyes. "Is that really necessary?"

"No, but I just want to have a disguise," Nico admitted. I chuckled **(A/N Proof I didn't write this. I don't use that word)** under my breath. Nico was one funny person. When we reached the disguise studio, two people immediately came to help us.

The girl in front of me said, "Hi, I'm Anna. I'll be helping Eva today." She had short, black hair and hazel eyes.

The girl in font of Nico said, "Hello, I'm Renee. I'll be helping Bookgirl39." She had medium length blonde hair and ice blue eyes.

Nico looked annoyed. "Um, it's Nico," she corrected.

"Sorry," Renee replied, looking none too sorry at all. Anna led me to the mirrors, as did Renee with Nico.

As Renee argued with Nico about what to wear, Anna turned to me and asked, "How would you like to look?"

I took out a manga that had a girl plastered on the front page. "This is Ichigo Momomiya from Tokyo Mew Mew. I want to look like her."

Anna examined Ichigo and immediately got to work. She tied my hair up and pinned down all the hair that fell into my face. She put color contacts in my eyes and changed my features a bit. When I was done, I could hardly recognize myself. I now had short, cherry red hair and my eyes were the color of bubblegum.

"Wow, I can't even recognize myself! Thank you!" I exclaimed gratefully. Anna smiled genuinely.

"You're welcome." I look at Nico and Renee. Nico had convinced Renee to let her do it her way. But Renee had only let her do it half her way. Nico had wanted long, raven black hair and violet eyes. But Renee only let her have black hair and amber eyes. When she was done, Nico murmured a few words and walked away.

"So, how did it go?" I teased playfully. Nico scowled at me.

"At least Anna agreed with you!" she snapped when we were out of ear shot. "And I _hate_ when people touch my hair!" I rolled my eyes again. For some odd reason, I felt like I was going to do that a lot during our mission.

"Now can we go?" I asked impatiently. As you could tell, I was very excited to start the mission.

"Yes, we can go!" Nico answered. I cheered happily. We walked out of the Madrigal stronghold and stopped at a bus stop. When the bus came, we silently got in. People were giving us odd looks.

"I'm sorry, but this is a private bus. It's only for Mad- certain people." The bus driver cut himself off quickly. I looked at Nico and gave her a sign. She quickly closed the door. Nico and I took out our keys.

"We're Eva and Nico. Take us to the old abandoned warehouse near London, please," I ordered. He leaned forward to examine our cards. He looked at the picture and looked up at us quizzically.

"You don't look like Evanescence456 and Bookgirl39," he challenged. Nico and I removed our colored contacts.

"Oh, disguises, eh?" he asked. We nodded. He relaxed.

"Okay, take a seat." We sat at the front row. He started the bus and drove us towards London.

_(Two hours later)_

"Okay, we're here," he announced. I let out a groan of relief. We got off the bus and walked towards the warehouse stiffly.

"I'm so sore!" Nico complained. I nodded, agreeing quickly. Two hours on a bus with nothing but a radio that only plays on a country station can really do that to a person. When we got to the door I swiped my I.D card at a scanner. The doors shifted slightly and opened up.

We walked inside and looked around. No one was around. There was a tiny kitchen was a refrigerator, a sink, a pantry, and a stove with an oven and microwave attached to it to the right. To the left were four sleeping bags. It wasn't old and dusty and thank Gideon for that; I am horribly allergic to dust.

"Excuse me? Do I bring them in?" a voice asked. We turned around to see a man in the center of the room.

"Yes, bring them in," Nico replied. The man snapped his fingers and two men walked into the room. They were dragging two sacks behind them.

"Don't drag them! They could get hurt!" I snapped. From inside the bags, a lot of shouting and screaming was heard.

"Open the bags, please!" Nico demanded. The two men nodded and opened the bags.

And out came Ian and Amy swearing in languages unimaginable.

**Okay, this is where it gets _fun_. Especially with Ian. Mwhahahahahaha. **

**Ian: Hey! **

**Me: Oh you know we love you!**

**Ian: Ummm**

**Me: Not like that! You know what I meant!**

**Ian: Suuure.**


	2. Branches, Siblings and Math

**Hello friends, foes, strangers and stalkers! This chapter was written by moi (though we all love Eva 3). **

**I apologize for not getting it up sooner. As I have informed many of you, I've been having issues with saving and finding my files. I take full responsibility for the delay and I shall wear the cone of shame. *puts dog cone on head***

**The 39 Clues does not belong to either of us.**

**Nico's POV**

_I can't believe she did that to my hair. _I thought. I never let people touch my hair... Sorry, I take my hair very seriously.

Anyway, Ian and Amy. This is where the fun begins.

"W-why are we here?" Amy asked. "Y-you're not V-V-Vespers are you?"

"_I'LL SUE! I WILL SUE YOU, YOUR HENCHMEN, AND THE WHOLE _***censored*** _COUNTRY OF..._Where exactly is this again?" Ian ranted.

"Ian! Bad boy! Don't say that word!" I scolded while Eva burst out laughing.

Just to anger me Ian repeated the word a few more times.

"Ian, don't make us give you a time out!" Eva said, like a mother scolding her child.

"Oh I'm so scared." Ian said. "I suppose your going to wash my mouth with soap as well?"

"Do you want some? I have a bottle of liquid soap in the bathroom." I offered. "It's Black Raspberry Vanilla?"

"I-Ian, what if they're V-Vespers? Don't make them angry!"

Ian's face turned red. "Hello, love, I didn't see you there." he smiled at her. "Do _you_know where we are?"

Amy shook her head. "Don't c-call me l-l-love, I-Ian."

"But you see I can't do that, love, it's too much fun."

"Okay, guys talk about this later!" Eva said. "We're going to tell you why we brought you here."

"Finally!"

"O-okay."

"We are Vespers and we are here to torture you until you give us the clues." I explained, smirking.

"What are you doing?" Eva whispered.

"Having fun!" I whispered back.

Meanwhile Ian was listing clues, "...Water, myrrh, aloe..." while Amy just stood there, wide eyed, with her hands over her mouth.

Eva and I cracked up.

"W-what's so funny?" Amy stuttered.

"We know the clues we just wanted to mess with you." Eva explained. "We're Cahills too. I'm a Madrigal and Lucian double agent. She's Janus and Ekat triple agent."

"DOUBLE AGENT?" They both asked Eva who just smirked.

"How are you a triple agent if you're only part of two branches?" Amy asked me.

"I was born into those two and the Lucians recruited me 'cause I have skills." I explained.

Ian didn't like that. "Lucians don't recruit out of branch! Especially someone with so many loyalties!"

"You're father didn't think that."

"We're kicking you out for this." Ian muttered.

"But Lucians have to vote someone out. The democracy keeps one Lucian from getting too drunk with power." I explained.

"I'm not the only one who will hate you for this." He retorted.

"We both know the Lucians don't like you, Ian."

"Why don't they like him?" Amy asked.

Eva smirked. "Because he's weak. He has a cru- wait… I'm not telling you yet!"

Confused stares from the two.

"Anyway, as I was saying, we brought you here for some… fun." Eva told them.

"'Fun'?" They asked together. Then they blushed and looked down.

"Like that! You guys obviously need romantic help!" I told them.

"Do not! Stop that!" they said together again.

"Denial" Eva and I sang together.

"This is madness I'm leaving!" Ian said, walking towards the door.

"I wouldn't do that, Ian..." Eva warned.

Too late. Ian had tried to open the door, resulting in an electric shock.

"The door's locked anyway, hon." I told him.

"Then _why _did you have to rig it to shock me? And don't call me that! Its weird."

"Aha! Now you know how I feel about 'love'!" Amy said.

"So? Am I supposed to stop calling you that now, love?"

"Please, Ian? It really bugs me."

Ian seemed to melt at her pleading look. "I suppose so... Amy."

"It's working already!" Eva exclaimed.

The pair just starred at her blankly.

"Never mind. Denial, I get it. Anyway, we're getting of topic. We brought you here to introduce you to... New technology." I said with a smirk.

"Like what?" Amy asked.

"Oh, you'll see" Eva answered.

There was a loud buzz. Eva pushed a button on her watch and the door opened.

"Amy! There you are! Let go of me!" Dan yelled, being carried in by two of our guards.

"We found this boy wandering around outside. What shall we do with him?" The first one asked.

"Dan? How did you get here?" Amy asked.

"I have a tracker in your shoe…"

"Why?"

"So I could… spy on you…" he said quietly.

"Put him down, we'll figure out what to do about him." Eva told the guards.

Well that wouldn't do. "Eva, what are you doing?" I whispered "Dan will just ruin it!"

"If by 'ruin it' you mean make it even more hilarious then, yes, he will." she replied.

"What are you going to do?" Dan asked, looking scared.

I motioned him over and told him our plans for Ian and Amy.

"Ew! You guys are weird!" he said loudly.

"Shh! They'll ask questions!" Eva shushed him.

Dan sighed. "Well I guess I'm not getting out of here so I'll watch."

"You'll do more than watch." I told him mischiviously. "Guards, go get Natalie Kabra."

Ian's eyes widened. "What are you going to do with her?" he demanded.

I looked at Dan who looked uncomfortable. "Fun!" I explained.

"What's wrong, Dan?" Eva asked, innocently "Don't want to see your enemy *cough* girlfriend *cough*?"

Everyone but Dan started laughing. Dan just glared at Eva.

"Th-That's not funny." Dan stuttered, turning red. "It's disgusting."

"I guess stuttering runs in the family." I noted.

It was Amy's turn to blush. "Technically, we're all family." she pointed out.

Ian looked mildly grossed out for a moment. "_Very distant_ family." he corrected. "We're only related by one one million, ninty-seven thousand, one hundred and fifty-second."

Everyone looks at him weird.

"Dude! Super fast math skills are supposed to be my thing!" Dan protested. "How did _you_ do that so fast?"

Ian rolled his eyes. "Please, Daniel, I wouldn't do all that. I had my accountants do it for me."

"Why?"

Ian shrugged. "I was… curious… also, Natalie couldn't believe that we're related to you."

"We don't like being related to you any more than you like being related to us, Cobra." Amy informed.

"On the bright side, us being related means that Amy can't legally date Ian." Dan blurted out.

"Actually she could." Ian muttered, examining the patterns on the floor.

Everyone stared at him again.

Ian looked up when he noticed the awkward silence. "What?" he asked, casually.

I shook my head. "Well thank you, Ian, for clearing that up. Now back on topic-"

Just then there was a loud buzz again.

"Already? Wow, they work fast." Eva noted, pushing the button to open the door.

"Let go of me, you worthless, filthy, peasants!"

I couldn't help but smirk at the sight of Natalie Kabra being carried in by our guards.

**Done! Yes, we're adding Natan. Amian is still our focus but Natan is fun too! **

**Okay, Until You're Over Me by Maroon five is stuck in my head and it's bugging me!  
><strong>_**I cannot refuse your eyes, please don't look at me tonight.  
>My heart beats fast I know you're there, I pretend like I don't care.<br>It hurts so much to know the truth, but I'm still in love with you!**_

**Wow, that was random…**

**Interview:**

**Me: Everyone gets an interview this time!**

**Dan: Wow, it's **_**not**_** just the love aliens?**

**Natalie: Daniel, to her **_**we**_** are "love aliens" as well.**

**Dan: GROSS! **

**Amy and Ian: *smirk***

**Me: You guys aren't grossed out that Dan called you love aliens?**

**Amy: I'm used to it. I'm just glad to see that he's learning what it's like to be a fan pairing with someone he really doesn't like.**

**Ian: Is that supposed to offend me?**

**Dan: The alien part? Yes. The Amy-doesn't-like-you part? Totally.**

**Natalie: Well, Ian's still a more popular pairing victim. **

**Me: This from the girl who's been with Dan, Jonah, Hamilton and Phoenix.**

**Natalie: Stupid, gross, horrible and who?**

**Me: Oops! That's my new theory, sorry…**

**Dan: Amy's been with Jonah and Hamilton too.**

**Ian: WHAT?**

**Natalie: He means FanFiction, brother, not real life. **

**Amy: Thank God for that. Why do you care anyway?**

**Me: We're off topic!**

**Ian: *whispers to me* I owe you.**

**Me: Oh, yes you do.**

**Natalie: Why don't I have any poison with me? **

**Me: It was confiscated.**

**Dan: Thanks for telling Amy about my tracker!**

**Amy: Dan! *takes tracker out of shoe* I think you should wash out Ian's mouth.**

**Ian: I think you shouldn't. You also shouldn't zap him, slap him or embarrass him!**

**Me: But it's fun! And no one's slapped you yet!**

**Ian: Yet?**

**Director dude: CUT! **

**Me: Now I owe you!**


End file.
